Lesson 03  No Words Needed

p. 65

One of my favorite novels ever is Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. Recently, I saw a movie directed by a very famous Indian director based on this novel. The movie Bride and Prejudice caught my attention with its colorful scenes and funny dialogues. However, what amazed me was that, unlike most Westerners, the two main characters never kissed. Later, I read about the scandal caused by a famous Hollywood actor who tried kissing an Indian actress in public. Then I realized that public displays of affection are not the same everywhere in the world.

Indonesia has a law that bans kissing in public places. The law stipulates that people caught kissing in public can be jailed for up to 10 years and fined. A British writer, George Orwell, noted in his 1934 novel Burmese Days, that the Burmese people do not kiss at all and do not even have a word for this practice. Whether that is true or not, only the Burmese people might know.

p. 66

Hand-holding among males is a custom that shows special friendship and respect in several Middle Eastern countries. In parts of North America, on the other hand, holding hands between two men is not socially acceptable. So you can hardly ever see males holding hands in North America.

Kissing or holding hands is not the only example that shows cultural differences. One of my friends, Jane, who visited Bulgaria last year, told me about an embarrassing experience she had there due to her ignorance of a unique Bulgarian gesture. Jane went to a restaurant on her first day in Bulgaria. "I'll have coffee," she told the waiter.

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He shook his head from side to side. "Okay, tea," my friend said, thinking that maybe there was something wrong with the coffee machine. Again, he shook his head. "Um... orange juice?" Once more, he shook his head. By now, he was looking at my friend like she was a crazy person, and Jane was totally confused. Then after she listened to her Bulgarian friend's explanation, she could understand. A shake of the head by a Bulgarian means yes, and a nod ― what the rest of the world does for yes ― means no.

I myself had a similar experience in Greece to the one that Jane had in Bulgaria. I went on a trip to Greece with my friend a few years ago. After sightseeing all day long, on my way back to the Sunrise Hotel, where we were staying, I asked the bus driver if the bus was headed for the hotel. He nodded, and we jumped on the bus. Terribly fatigued, we fell asleep in a minute. But when our sleep was disturbed by the driver, we found ourselves in a totally strange place. It was not until the hotel manager told us the meaning of nodding in Greece that we understood the real meaning of the bus driver's gesture. In Greece, tipping the head back means no while dropping the chin down several times means yes.

p. 68

Spitting is another embarrassing custom. Spitting on another person is considered a sign of disrespect in most cultures, but it can be a blessing if done in a certain way among the Masai of Kenya.

For them, spitting on a person or thing is regarded as a sign of respect and good will. Newly born children are spat on by everyone who sees them. When guests visit the Masai village, every Masai spits on his or her hand first before extending it to the visitors. They spit when they meet and when they part. In addition, they expect others to act in the same way. The more generously we spit on them, the greater their pleasure is.

Nonverbal communication is highly culture bound. If you do not know much about other cultures and gestures, communication with people from other societies and ethnic groups is likely to cause misunderstandings. Still, communicating through gestures and customs can be fun. It makes our world vivid and colorful. Silent languages can sometimes be louder than words.